Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The "C" Word

So apparently there is this unwritten rule in college about consistent hookups. And this is the rule, as I have figured it out ...

" Never, NEVER mention, hint at, show a guy that you are aware, that you care, it makes you happy, you feel content, with the fact that you guys have hooked up more than a dozen times, and never ask them about other girls"

The thing about Consistency in college is that its very wishy washy, because maybe its only consistent because he lives in your dorm and its convenient that night or maybe its because theres no one else that interests him that particular night or maybe its even because he likes gettin' down with you, but the bottom line is that every weekend it changes and you will never know the exact reason. And ladies, a word of advice no matter how much it kills you, don't ask, because it will bite you in the ass.

Take for example my little situation with Mitch, I started to get attached when there were too many questions left unanswered which made me feel insecure about our relationship (if you can even call it that). I was also curious about what else he was up to, and so I would ask around, maybe too much, which ultimately became my downfall.

Scientific Explanation:
 As humans we are drawn to mystery, its intriguing, and its a bit of a rush encountering something we are unsure of, its not safe and so it makes it that much more x-citing. With Mitch, I never could predict what he would do next, it was so up and down that when it was up, it was so hot and steamy because I hadn't expected it, like a pleasant surprise. And when it was down, I realized how much I missed the "up" part of our little friendship which is where the attachment came.

BOTTOMLINE: No matter how many times you hook up with someone, no matter how consistent it may feel. In college, unless you are in a committed relationship, this is not so. Sorry, Charlie.

Stay Tuned. Stay Classy,

Saturday, December 11, 2010

American Pie, Everyone Becomes a Little Slutty, Walk of Shame

Going to bars, when you've spent most of your adolescent career at lame house parties that usually got broken up, is too much fun. Luckily for me around my school are about a selection of four decent bars within walking distance. But who am I to even judge their quality, I mean I am lucky to get into any of them with the shitty excuse of an ID that I use. I'm not sure if its the dimly lit ambiance, repetitive club music, or the fact that everyones confidence is automatically boosted by ordering drinks at a "21 & over" bar as underclassman in college, but people get down. Its funny how you watch these seemingly absurd college movies, that, turns out aren't so absurd after all. 

Newsflash Mom and Dad, those movies are pretty spot on (See American Pie 1 & 2 & 3)

 If you have ever seen any of these movies then you have surely seen girls dancing slutty with or without a female friend joining in, people pouring shots in each others mouth (usually guys to girls), everyone making out with each other, and sleezy guys with too much cologne managing to convince girls twice their hotness level to go back to their room. Funny thing is, you probably thought, ya know back in those highschool days, that you would absolutely not be like those girls and you definitely wouldn't give into those guys, but I can guarantee you, you will surprise yourself in college, and probably let your parents down. I'm not saying that everyone is going to become a slut in college, but everyone becomes a little slutty in college. This doesn't mean you have to sleep with every guy who gets your digits but I'm guessing that you either leave the dorm wearing something thigh-bearing or tot-bearing on any given night. And even if you don't conform to the dress-code that is unintentionally instilled in college underclassman, than your dancing skills at the bar will probably make up for this. We have all done it, bumpin and grindin like your in a Drake music video. Dancing all up on that cutie at the bar, hoping he'll buy you a drink (and not roofie it), and most importantly, turn down those other slutty bitches for you. 

Personally, I much rather wake up from sore thighs from dancing all night, in my own room, wearing my cleans pajamas with a little bit of my dignity,than wake up in his room with the same clothes I fell asleep in and walk back through campus while everyone judges the shit outta me. (This doesn't apply to guys who live in your dorm, because noone has to see you, but who wants to hook up with those freshman boys anyway? HA) See, the problem with doing the walk of shame is that noone can see who you were with the night before, and he could be butt-ugly for all they know, whereas when your dancing with him all night long at the bar, everyone sees. Either way, no matter what your preference is, to bump and grind or to have a little sleepover, just make sure that he's worth it, or "its" worth it (and you know what I am talking about)

Stay Tuned. Stay Classy.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Mitch, Backward Hats, Corsets & My dorm or his?

I’m sure its been said a thousand times before, but I just have to say it -freshman college boys suck. They suck so hard that it makes those sluts who give guys head in the back of the movie theater look bad. I mean honestly I understand that they are teenagers who are horny, but really, these guys will say anything to get you in bed. I never considered myself a vulnerable or naive person, not in the slightest bit, but even I was played for a damn fool. There was this guy, Mitch, I had seen him at a frat party about the second week of school. Totally good looking, typical preppy kid, with his stupid pastel shorts and backwards hats. Totally not my type, but something about those baby blue eyes drew me in like a sale at my favorite shoe store. I knew I wanted to talk to this kid, as I’m sure many of the girls in the room did, but 

I was going to go for it.

            I saw him later that night at another party, he was outside with his friend who was smoking a cigarette. Thank god I got into that awful habit in high school because I found the perfect opportunity to talk to him. I asked his roommate for a light, and began chatting the two boys up. I’m not sure I should either thank or be pissed at my roommate for convincing me to wear a white tube top, a red skirt and three inch heels. I looked hot, I knew it, and he knew it too, which is why we hooked up the next night at a party. I should have enjoyed the little fun I had and then peaced the fuck out, but noooo I had to keep going. I mean the physical stuff was just too good to pass up. The next weekend was this Eurotrash party. Yes, that was the theme of a party, and who the hell knows what to wear to that. So I left my dorm wearing a corset, black shorts and black short leather heel boots. I was feeling sassy, and I guess it showed because the second I saw him I made him 

an offer he couldn’t refuse 

and wound up coming back to my dorm room. These little shenanigans continued on way too long. And like every other relationship that I get myself into, things started to get complicated, and way too casual for my liking. When I saw him, our interactions consisted of cordially saying "hey" to and from class, texting, but not usually (unless it was the weekend, of course) and that was about it. My questions about him began to pile up, was he hooking up with other people? Was he telling all of his friends? How long would this go on? Meanwhile, the only question that entered his mind was my dorm or his? HA

Stay tuned. Stay Classy.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Tuesdays-50 cents, sweet talkers & older guys

When I was in highschool I went out on Friday and Saturday nights, like everyone else my age. Now that I am in college I now have to also factor in Tuesdays, occasionally Wednesdays and definitely Thursdays. After the whole celebrity/NFL football player encounter, me and House decided that Tuesdays nights should be a regular thing, not to mention the fact that you could get shots for 50 cents (times are hard in college, its like one big recession) After the first month or so you practically blow through the majority of your money  on regular prices drinks-NEVER AGAIN

So this one Tuesday night we went to a nearby frat house where I met the infamous Mr. Hot Shot*, and was he ever, or at least he talked a whole lot of game to make you think so. When he was in the room, he always had a crowd of people around him. He was just one of those mysteriously sexy, confident people that attracted others to him. If this were a cheesy movie, you would probably hear someone say "Guys want to be him, and girls want to be with him". Maybe I'm giving him more credit than he  deserves. Anyways, I decided to go up to Mr. Hot Shot and introduce myself. Well let me tell you the things that I saw from across the room, were magnified when it was just the two of us talking. And boy was he a talker too, a sweet talker, I could tell he had been doing this for a while.

I know this would not be the end of him. 

Sidenote: Bottomline, freshman boys are good for one thing (and we all know what that is), or at least about 85% of them. The other 5% are the gems that are genuine caring gentlemen and the other 10% are gay, in which case make them your best friends. So after you fuck around with the dumbass freshman boys for a bit, I promise you this, you WILL move on o older boys. The older, more mature, boys who have graduated to men.

Stay tuned. Stay Classy.

The Night of P.T.-Celebrities, Saints Players, & Shots,

Let me preface this story by saying that anything can happen in NOLA, and none of the information below has been fabricated for your entertainment purposes.

It was a Tuesday,  at the Boot, it was 50 cent night, my favorite. This kid from my spanish kid once said "Tuesday nights were invented for 50 cent night, not the other way around" haha. What a freshman. Anyways, so we were feeling alright, then.... in walks in....

Eric from the Real World. 

In the flesh, not even twelve inches from my face was this beautiful light skinned blue eyed man standing next to me at the bar. I die. Well, this was the first time I had encountered a celebrity, while intoxicated, so naturally I did what any respectable thoughtful person would do, I bought him three rounds of shots. (The generosity is just too much, and my wallet  is always the one that suffers, and usually my head the next morning). My naive self thought that this was going to be the height of my encounters with celebrities, especially at the Boot, HA! little did I know.

One night me and House* went to the Boot, for one of our late night, last stops to get a drink and maybe take part in some bumpin' and grindin'. Next thing I know my friend Sparkles* grabs me and we head into the "VIP" section of the bar. In this section I find, three maybe four NFL New Orleans Saints Players. They had their 300 lb bouncers pour us drinks and chat us up. Its not that I wasn't interested in chatting it up with a Saints player, I mean hello, they are Superbowl champions people, the truth is I was too far gone, so I went home, leaving House with P.T.

Around 5 am I want to say, House finally walks in to our room. There was about 3 hours unaccounted for, and I know what you're thinking, Did House scored with a Saints player? What do you think ?

Stay Tuned. Stay Classy.

First week-Freshmeat, partyin', & Monday mornings

First week of college was by far my favorite (from what I can remember). I think me and my roommate went out every single night for over a week. I'm pretty sure I didn't go more than 24 hours without drinking. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say stuff like that. But I speak the truth. Anyhow, life was good, it was better than good. 

We were living the dream...

It was the first time we were away from our parents, away from the horrible memories and bad fashion decisions that consumed our high school careers. A fresh start, with new sexier clothes our parents probably wouldn't approve of, an on-campus bar (yes, a bar on campus folks), and a room we could bring boys back to, without checking our parents schedules. I know it sounds like all that I care about is boys (notice the term boy, not men, hopefully this will change), and thats absolutely true. I'm still young, live a little.  
              For me, I got to leave the dreadful winters in the north, the public transportation rides to school, and all of the foolish decisions I made back in the day and come to the dirty south for some good ole fashion partyin' and schoolin'. 

Right off the bat, classes started, but it was exciting finding out who the hotties in your class were, it was practically all we me and the girls on my hall talked about. And who could blame us, I know I speak for most girls when I say that I was sick and balls tired of some of the jokers back home. It was time to find the fresh meat. Fortunately for me, I only had one hottie in all of my five classes, which I found out later was for the best. There were way too many stories about girls hooking up with people in their classes and it just being the most awkward thing ever Monday morning. If there is one thing I would like to avoid its Monday morning awkwardness-two words, no fun.  The only person I even remotely considered was Muscles*. Oh those muscles I barely knew him, and our conversations mostly revolved around discussing social activities and English homework, which was fine. I'm not sure I would be totally interested in him. I just liked looking at his muscles. 

Going out at night was even better than class, shocker I know. Everyone was so eager to meet people, and you know those boys were excited to see all of the girls all dolled up and ready to mingle. And boy did we, it was just fun going up to strangers, introducing yourself and then offering them a drink or vice versa. 

The first week was fun, fun, fun 'till my teacher started assigning homework. 

Stay tuned. Stay classy.

First Entry

This Blog is about what really goes on in college. Plain and simple. Going to school in the dirty south can get a little crazy at times and I've decided that it's important to write the nights that I probably won't remember down the line. I'm sure, knowing me, that they will be not only memorable, absurd and drunk but probably most likely definitely embarassing in some way.
--->Now, if your younger than a college freshman, you can look at this as a guide of what to do or not to do, its up to you. Believe me, I'm not judging.
--->And if your older than a college freshman, I'm sure you can relate to the events described wholeheartedly, perhaps with a grin reflecting on similar experiences.

CAUTION: stories and accounts may get graphic. There will be many sexual-related stories, after all I am just like any other wholesome American horny college freshman with no parental supervision, its only natural.
*All names have been changed to protect the innocent or the douche-bags who don't want me ruining their reputation. :)

(Sidenote:Any similarities to persons in real life is totally a coincidence)